The icky gourmet

Before you start reading this, you should know that this blog entry is not for the weak of stomach.
I take no responsibility for your being a big wimp or for how completely gross nature can be.
Also I’m not at all affiliated with that video -though I kinda wish I was.

At the tender age of 17, I discovered what would remain [to this day] my first choice in hiphop: anticon records
At the time Anticon had just barely produced the first album from Deep Puddle Dynamics. Sole, Alias, Doseone and Slug took me away from the mostly silly work of Ugly Duckling and Jurassic 5, never to look back.
While DPD appealed to my danky dark inner cosmos, the boys soon evolved into a new group which seemed tailor-made for my increasingly academic & scientifically oriented tastes. Within the multifarious layers of cLOUDDEAD I found whole new form of flow. One which employed stream of consciousness poetry, heavy with biological reference.
They are inspiring not just in their skill set, but also in their success at bringing an abnormal interpretation of hiphop to an increasingly formulaic genre.
So tonight I was walking around with my customary cLOUDDEAD compliment to the chaos of NYC, when Rifle Eyes came on and inspired me to write a blog entry about the mostly unsettling culinary proclivities of animals ….and fish teeth.

You’ll notice that cLOUDDEAD makes the point that minnows have teeth in their throats.
This is indeed true. In fact; carp, goldfish and minnows all have pharyngeal teeth in their throat, which are used to grind food against a hard pad at the base of the skull. They’re so fascinating ….& creepy.

In contrast crocodiylians have mouths full of very big teeth which aren’t necessarily used for mastication.
Generally their teeth are given the task of catching prey which they consume whole. Sure, if their prey is too big to swallow whole, they’ll rip up their meal into more manageable bite-sized morsels and their teeth act like a nutcracker on hard-shelled creatures, but generally to expidite the feeding frenzy it goes down in one foul chomp.

Since crocs are so impatient they have to swallow stones or gastroliths to aid in the post-digestion processing of their prey. As an added bonus the stones act to ballast them in the water.
Neato huh?
The crocodile stomach is divided into two chambers; the first one contains the gastroliths and is very muscular for crushing that which the teeth have not. The second stomach has the most acidic digestive system of any animal, and will breakdown just about everything they throw at it. Including bones, feathers, and horns.

Moving right along to happier climes, we have the Red Squirrel!

In addition to having the best ears in all of squirrledom, it knows the value of a tasty breakfast. When winter nut stores run low, it is known to bite & scratch at the side of maple trees to harvest the sweet mapley goodness that drips from within. Thankfully, they have the good sense to wait until the syrup has dried, because a sticky red squirrel is an easy target and they’d certainly look sillier than they already do. Apparently the sugar rush makes a more memorable impression than all those forgotten acorn stashes because the red squirrel will return to lick the sweet residue all winter.

Now lets look at the less appetizing habits of the Northern Shrike:

These beautiful lil’ songbirds are mostly found in southern Canada and the northern United States.
When not serenading in the snow; the Northern Shrike is known to capture insects and really adorable teeny-tiny mice, which it then skewers onto thorns, spiny stalks or even barbed wire fences. The Shrike enjoys a leisurely meal and will eat small pieces then return later for more. According to Cornell University, the shrike also uses this method so it can eat poisonous insects. After sliding its victim onto the skewer, it waits a few days for the toxins to dry out and then returns to feast on its catch.

cLOUDDEAD is right to be fascinated with the Leafcutter Ant.

In addition to looking like it’s wearing an african mask when carrying leaves, leafcutter ants are the only animals known to cultivate their own “crops”. Adult ants cut leaves from trees with their scissor-like mandibles and feast on sap that is produced in the process. More importantly though, they carry the leaves back to their colony where they are piled into what basically amounts to a compost heap. Worker ants then add feces or saliva to the leaves, creating a fertilizer that encourages the growth of a special fungus which they feed to their larvae. Yummy-kins!

The Burying Beetle’s food preparation method is so unique, it was named for the process:

The beetle is able to keep food fresh while halting the growth of bacteria with a technique that is similar to how a human might preserve food through canning or you know, bodies through embalming… When the beetle finds a dead bird or rodent, it immediately sets about preparing a warm nutritious meal for its young. First, it covers the carcass in oral secretions that are antibacterial and antifungal to slow the decaying process. Next, the beetle digs a hole for the carcass and lines the area with the fur or feathers stripped from the dead animal. Then, it puts the preserved carcass in the tomb and digs a conjoining nest for its larvae so they can feed easily. The entire preservation process only takes about eight hours and makes Surströmming look somewhat appealing.
You’ve probably had enough ick already, so I’ll spare you the pictures.

And last but most certainly not least: of course we have the honey bee.
This striped beeauty is the only insect that produces food available for human consumption and sanctioned for storage in the Hive Honey Set!
In order to make honey, foraging bees collect nectar from flowers and return to the hive where they engage in nectar transfer (ie: lesbian bee kisses!) with nectar receiver bees. In the hive the bees use their honey stomachs to ingest and regurgitate the nectar a number of times to add enzymes which expedite water evaporation and thickening of the nectar sugars. Eventually the semi-digested nectar puke is stored in uncapped cells which the bees fan with their little bee wings until over 80% of the nectar’s water is evaporated and only sweet sticky honey for their (and your) rumbly-tumbly tummy remains.

…not that you’ll be hungry for a while.